Becoming More of Myself
Reaching, Extending, Becoming More Of Myself.
I’m in the yoga class of my beloved friend and yoga mentor, Marianne Simpson. Once again, she is in my head! The theme of her class ends up being exactly what my body, mind, and spirit, is needing.
I am reminded of how my body is my access to my soul. My body never lies to me. When I quiet my mind, go inside, and listen to my body, she speaks to me. She shows me what is wanting to be felt and released.
I have been feeling some increasing agitation over the past few days, and wasn’t really certain why. Coming off 2 weeks of travel and being sick, I wasn’t really sure that I wanted to go to yoga, however, I luv Marianne’s class and was wanting to support her at the new studio, so, off to yoga I went. (Ha- was wanting to support her ;)...
Today, the big pose is Hanumasana, the splits. We are loosening up tight hamstrings and hips. About a quarter of the way into the class, I interlace my fingers behind my back, hinge at the hips, into a gentle forward fold, and….
WHOOSH!!!! The floodgates open.
Tears run down my cheeks, off the tip of my nose, onto my mat. My insides scream to me, “I’m scared…I’m so scared right now!” Ah ha, this is what was lurking inside, Fear. As the tears fall, I say to myself, “There there, you are scared, that's all - it’s okay. I’m here…I’ve got you.”
In this practice I gently shift my hips, I let them dip and loosen. I fold over my legs and lengthen the backs of them. I am acutely aware of the sensations, careful of alignment, aware and respectful of my edges. Edges offer possibility, invite us into adventure.
It is said that the ‘splits posture’ honors adventure, symbolic of the monkey-god, Hanuman, that took a giant leap across the ocean between India and the island of Lanka to rescue a princess. As such, this pose is certainly an adventure for me.
What am I leaping from? What am I leaping towards? What powers do I need to bridge the gap?
Marianne speaks to us of reaching, extending, becoming more of who we are through these poses. It dawns on me, that yes, as I am reaching, extending myself and becoming more of who I am, I am also terrified! I am free falling over here!
I left the safer space of a successful tennis coaching business to become more of who I’m supposed to be, to begin my life coaching business. I am in a relationship which brings new challenges and growth opportunities for me. I luv it all, and yet leaving the known, to grow into the unknown, is sometimes just plain scary!
The gift and opportunity in meeting this fear, is that it show me my courage, and tells me to show up for myself - to trust myself.
Through this adventure, I reconnect to Self, find my powers of awareness, compassion, and courage, so that I may continue reaching, extending, becoming more of me - in my work and in my relationships.
I write with gratitude for my yoga practice and for my wise yoga mentor and dear friend, Marianne.
Namaste.
