Lux Esto: Bridging The Divides
Why is it beneficial to a person to be able to have a relationship with someone who has opposing views? Why is healthy dialogue beneficial?
I was at my son’s graduation last weekend and the President spoke of the homework assignment he gave to the incoming freshman class 4 years ago.
He charged the freshmen to befriend someone with completely different political, religious, or social views. He elaborated, stating that the purpose of the assignment was to bridge divides - to engage in conversations which could teach students how to listen and how to communicate across the abyss as a way to reduce polarization.
his led me to consider the necessary skills to do this: the ability to be introspective, curious, and open. To bring no agenda and act like a fascinated anthropologist with the intention of earning from someone different.
Introspection causes us to look at what gets activated in us during conflict. What did our training grounds tell us about this issue? We all develop a response to differences - political, religious, or social - in our training grounds, our past, our affiliations with certain groups. Understanding what conflict awakens in you allows you to grow in empathy for yourself AND the other person and to be clear about what really matters in your conversation.
Finally, we access our own experiences to ask ourselves what is really true about a given issue?
Curiosity leads us directly to the underbelly of another person’s position to ask open-ended questions about the needs and aspirations behind that person’s stance. Can we get curious about that?
Openness invites us to listen without an agenda. We simply investigate, like an explorer, to uncover positions and feelings and find the 10% which we both agree on, such as: We all want to be seen and heard; we all want to feel connection and a sense of belonging; we all want to feel safe and to protect our loved ones from danger. We all need respect.
The President then came full circle and encouraged the graduates to continue to use dialogue with others, to live with with compassion and courage. To continue to climb out of their comfort zones and to enter foreign lands which challenge prescribed notions. The end result: to fill in the chasms between people.
Let’s look at the alternative: What is the impact of not seeing a side that differs from your own, of not reaching the underbelly of an issue?
People end up feeling further disconnected and separate.
Handling differences with open curiosity and introspection invites us into a world of deeper understanding and connection to others.
The gift of conflict is a deeper awareness and strengthened trust and closeness in the relationship. Growth happens in tension, so let’s jump in and ride out the storm.
Translated, this means we all get out of our own bubbles to see and celebrate the variegated perspectives of other people. This cultivates connection and relationship. Let the connections be the light, and the differences, the storm which invites us towards the brighter land of better understanding and connection.
What is the next step forward with more light in our lives? With more respect, luv, understanding and connection?
How does the conversation look when the foundation is luv and respect?
I leave you with the following inquiries:
How will you be the light in fierce conversations? How will you bring more light and openness in order to grow understanding and connection?
