From Loss to Connection
One of my top tips when caring for a hurting heart is to feel the feels. To heal, ya’ gotta feel.
We all experience loss of some kind: a person, a job, our childhood, innocence, unrealized
goals, or all of the above. And we experience the pain of loss in a variety of ways. Pain may
appear as anger, sadness, weight, bad mood, or numbness. We may feel overwhelmed or an
actual ache in our heart or tummy.
Often, as a result of this discomfort, we run, we isolate, we distance ourselves from feeling the
pain. The very nature of the word ‘loss’ conjures up feelings of isolation, missing something or
someone, emptiness like a hole in our body, and what the heck can we do with that??? It
freakin’ hurts.
How do we fill the hole? With booze? Pot? Other drugs? Sex? By working extra hard? Although
seductive, those things numb us and often end up creating even more feelings of isolation and
loneliness. They deliver exactly the opposite of what we hope.
So, I propose that we use the pain of loss as an alert signal to connect inwards. What if we
alchemize the pain? We convert it into connection, both within ourselves, intraconnection, and
to the world at large, interconnection.
Since I’m all about Luving All from the inside out, we’ll begin with intraconnection, our
connection with ourselves, especially the part of ourselves that doesn’t want to feel sadness,
that doesn’t want to grieve a loss, that simply wants to pack up and move to a happier, more fun
place.
Yes, naturally, we want to avoid pain. Pain doesn’t freakin’ feel good! It’s hard to feel hurt. AND
YET, what we resist, persists. Resisted pain sneaks into different areas of our lives
unexpectedly and causes negative impacts. So, let’s be brave and, little by little, connect with
the pain, and turn it into a deepened connection to ourselves. We’ll go inside ourselves to
explore our inner world, to connect with our true selves.
How do we intraconnect? We fill that empty space with self luv: engage in activities which
connect us to these hurting parts of ourselves, journal, meditate, take nature walks, light
candles, take baths, cozy up with a fire and a good book, play a musical instrument.
As an added benefit, when we connect to our own pain, we are able to deepen connections with
others and become a witness to their pain in a luving, healthy manner. That’s the power of
revealing our entirety, the totality of our different parts. This interconnection also increases
intimacy! INTIMACY = IN TO ME SEE.
Connection to pain leads us to interconnection, which begins as a survival mechanism early in
life when we learn to rely on family and caregivers to feed us and keep us alive! We are wired to
be in connection with others within our tribes. Linked energetically to each other, we impact
each other through interconnected experiences. We use the opportunity of loss and pain to
connect genuinely and openly with those around us.
Ways to interconnect: We reach out to trusted luved ones for support, and we share what’s
going on in our lives; we ask for help, volunteer, do yoga in community, play a sport, lean in on
family and friends.
Our interconnection is healthy when our intraconnection is strong.
Many blessings as you bravely journey from loss to connection. I’d luv to hear your ways of connecting, so please share!
Also, please know that you are not alone in your loss, and that if you need professional help, you can reach out! Therapists and Coaches are there to support you and interconnect with you.
