Kicking Yourself?

When injured or ill, pain and discomfort command our attention. 
When this happens, are you focused on the short game or the long game?

These times also reveal how you relate to your body, AND boy, does it matter.

I’m not a fan of being knocked down. Is anyone? Add to that a brutal Judge saboteur, and this can be super tricky - in terms of my relationship to my body.

The last 3 days, I've been grappling with a migraine. I find myself resisting it, then accepting it, then getting angry and annoyed. I’ve been having this internal struggle, weaving in and out of gentle care for the body and then discord with it.

Yesterday, I was heading down the rabbit hole:

"This is stupid. Why do you get these migraines? What did you do wrong?” 
“Poor Laura with these migraines…”
“You have a lot to do, just get going. It's not that bad. You've been far worse. Suck it up buttercup. You're fine." 
“Come on, Laura. You’ve got to GO. Got to GROW.”

You get the idea, right? I mean, brutal! I’ve got the Judge gremlin weighing in on me, on the whole situation, then the Stickler, the Controller, the Victim, the Hyper-achiever. As I'm headed down this hole to hell, as I fondly refer to it, I reach for a lifeline, my mental fitness practice, and I ask, “What is the most luving thing I can do for myself right now?

Reflecting on my childhood photo, I think - how would I treat that beautiful little being if she didn't feel well? Would I yell at her and say, "What's the matter with you, you wimp? Get up, get to work, you're fine. You're not going to succeed by resting all day, being a baby because your head hurts?" 

Uh, no.

Imagining my children, how would I parent them? Berate them with criticism or encircle them with luving-kindness?  

I'd be empathetic - Awe…I know it hurts. No fun. What do you need? What can I get you? Would you like a back rub? Tea? Ice pack for your head? Rest. Your body is telling you that you need rest...listen to it.

So, I saved my own self yesterday, with my 5 year old self. 5 year old Laura inspired me to take care of the one thing that needed my attention most, and would best serve me in the minutes, hours, days, years to come…my own health. And, I rested.

I know this will be continuous practice. AND, I’m getting better and better at it. 

I will wash, rinse, repeat myself to wellness. If I have to do it a million times, it's okay. 

I am choosing to engage with my body and mind in a gentle, luving way. One that authentically leads to personal growth and development.

This is the practice, for which I am so grateful.