Divorce & SELF-CARE
Self-Care Through and Beyond Divorce
How does one focus on self-care amid divorce, with all its emotional and practical complexities? I remember days when it was hard to even get out of bed, and get the kids to school, let alone consider self-care. And yet, now looking back, one of the most profound disguised gifts from divorce was getting clear about my own self-care; what it meant to take care of myself, what that looked like, the different forms of care, and why it was so important to my well-being and to that of my changing family.
Consider two roads to this end: self-care light and SELF-CARE.
The first refers to the observable practices that provide practically instantaneous gratification: manicures, pedicures, new “do” or hair color, massages, and buying yourself little treats. It can look like buying new sheets, creating a calm and soothing space with candles, and oils, making a fire, and snuggling into your couch while binge-watching a program, dinner with friends, bubble baths, glass of wine while reading on the porch, etc...
These feel good, provide relief from unpleasant feelings, and lift us temporarily. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of this! In fact, important in their own right.
The latter, the big SELF-CARE, tends to the soul, and connects you to your inner being and longings; the kind of practices that nourish and grow you; practices which begin and end from within. Below are some ideas that were very impactful through my divorce and beyond.
The first was Creating “Team Laura:” I carefully selected a group of people who would listen and advise, and who had my highest good in mind. My Team was comprised of professionals and close family and friends. Initially getting through the divorce I had my expert advisors for the practical elements; such as my attorney, financial advisor, and accountant. For my emotional and mental wellness, I included my life coach, EMDR therapist, psychiatrist, and yoga mentor.
Another important aspect of self-care was Movement: Whether it be running, biking, dancing, playing tennis, walking, and yoga, all helped me to be present, process and sometimes express emotions, to exist in the present moment and move stuck or yucky energy through my body so I could access healing and love. Journaling supported me in processing my feelings, especially the really difficult ones. On those pages, I could utter what I dared not say out loud. The pages turned into books of awareness and healing. Mental fitness/meditation practice supported the processing I was doing in my EMDR and coaching sessions, helped calm my nervous system, and cultivated present-moment awareness. The spiritual component of it brought me back to my true beautiful essence and to realizing the interconnectedness of us all. I was not alone as I was putting myself back together.
One activity that I treated myself to which was super valuable, and probably fits into both little self-care and big SELF-CARE was dance classes. They provided me with movement, and focus on learning new skills, and reconnected me to sensuality, pleasure, and fun - something which had been shaken in the disintegration of my marriage.
My wish is that these ideas spark some flickering light in you as find your way to the other side of divorce.
And, I’m curious! What self-care practices did you find helpful during and after your divorce?
Thank you! You’ve got this!
